Thanks to our cherished minions voters

We at the Gollum Campaign would like to extend a heartfelt "Thank you" and a cold, moist handshake to all those who favoured us with their support at the polls today. We treasure each and every one of you, and will ensure that you are not among those unfortunates who may feel our displeasure during the crucial period of adjustment which will begin the Gollum presidency.

Meanwhile, should either of the two mainstream parties prevail, all is by no means lost. We are confident that the Orc species will retain its present control of the House and the Senate, and the Nazgûl lobby will make its voice heard in the highest circles (above the Capitol and around the Washington Monument, mostly.)

Remember, if you or a friend or family member voted for Ralph Nader, send us their name and address so we can personally deliver their VIP invitation to the exclusive post-election Orc barbecue. Campaigning is hungry work, as we at the Gollum Campaign know all too well.

Once again, our gratitude to our supporters; we know your thoughts are with us through the long night to come.

Yours sincerely,

Gríma Galmodsson (hight Wormtongue)
Campaign Manager
Gollum for a Better America My Precioussssssss