July 06, 2004 -

Gollum Announces Running Mate

We at the Gollum Campaign are very excited to reveal that the candidate has selected as his running mate his longtime alter ego, Sméagol.

The candidate informed himself of his decision last night, pausing only to remind his new running mate that he “hadn’t got any friends.” Even so, Sméagol is said to have accepted the offer with pathetic gratitude.

The decision will be announced today in a joint press conference by the candidate, during which Messrs. Gollum and Sméagol will both answer questions by reporters. Rumours that representatives of Shire-based journals are being denied accreditation for this event are, of course, unfounded. We would like to assure our hairy-footed friends that VIP places are being held for them in the back row.

Meanwhile, Elf lobbyists have issued a statement expressing profound sorrow and weariness at these days of Middle-Earth, and a desire to pass Westward over Sea at some point following Nov. 2.

Posted by grima at July 6, 2004 02:59 PM