July 06, 2004

Gollum Announces Running Mate

We at the Gollum Campaign are very excited to reveal that the candidate has selected as his running mate his longtime alter ego, Sméagol.

The candidate informed himself of his decision last night, pausing only to remind his new running mate that he “hadn’t got any friends.” Even so, Sméagol is said to have accepted the offer with pathetic gratitude.

The decision will be announced today in a joint press conference by the candidate, during which Messrs. Gollum and Sméagol will both answer questions by reporters. Rumours that representatives of Shire-based journals are being denied accreditation for this event are, of course, unfounded. We would like to assure our hairy-footed friends that VIP places are being held for them in the back row.

Meanwhile, Elf lobbyists have issued a statement expressing profound sorrow and weariness at these days of Middle-Earth, and a desire to pass Westward over Sea at some point following Nov. 2.

Posted by grima at 02:59 PM

July 20, 2004

Nice voterses! Vote for nice Smeagol, yes?
Posted by smeagol at 12:56 AM

You haven't got any voters.
Posted by gollum at 01:02 AM

Nice voters! If you promises to vote for Sméagol, I will promise to be very very good. Sméagol will get you nice jobses, and lovely homes and schoolses and lots of fisssssh. I personally guarantees to bring a nice fresh fisssh to every American who wants one, if only you gives me nice voteses. Vote for nice Sméagol!
Posted by smeagol at 01:52 AM

Yessss, vote for ussssss!

And then after they elects ussss... maybe we keeps fisssssh for ourselfs. We'll see, won't we, precious?

Posted by gollum at 02:21 AM