02/20/2004 - Statement on Dean withdrawal
Mr. Gollum today gave a statement reacting to the withdrawal of Howard Dean from the race for the Democratic nomination. Gollum expressed sympathy with Dean's position, saying: "We knows how it feels when no one likes ussss, doesn't we, precious? But we found that going to live in a cave for a while helps you feel better, yes it does. After a few hundred years away from nasty daylight, eating nice fisssh and squeezing orcs to death, nice Governor Dean will feel just fine. But watch out for nasssty hobbitses. They'll steal your Precious, yes they will."
Governor Dean's office has so far issued no response to Gollum's statement. Rumors that the Governor has been seen crouching by a rural Vermont riverside eating a fish with his bare hands remain unconfirmed.